A letter to Chloe #1

Dearest Chloe Grace,

Sometimes I think I don’t make much of a difference in this world. But I know you see me as your entire world.

If you could argue you might say that you need me to survive, but in reality I need you. You validate my existence and remind me of all that is good and lovely.

The happiness and sweet beautiful spirit you bring into my life heals me. It frees me. It inspires me.

Often I feel alone and like I can’t say what I want to because I’m afraid of what other people will think of me. (That’s why I keep a blog because at least I can feel understood by myself through writing.) I’ve disappointed people in this life, I don’t have many friends, and there’s plenty of people that look down on me. They don’t like my choices or appreciate who I am. But you do. Unconditionally.

The way you look at me reminds me that I am needed and loved. (Even beyond milk and diapers.) I’m not a perfect mom but at least I don’t disappoint you, you remind me of my worth. With the simplest smile you make me feel whole.

You were born in an unfair time with so much confusion and evil. A time when people cover their faces in masks and we can’t even see our friends and family. I couldn’t even get much help in the beginning of your life when I desperately needed it. But you keep smiling and literally look for light.

You remind me to push through hard moments. I can sense your frustration in learning to work your little muscles or communicate – but you just keep going. Each little wiggle and grunt strengthens you and you never give up.

You’re my best friend and I’m so so lucky to be your momma. I love you Chloe, so, so much. I didn’t know a love like this was possible until I held you in my arms in the hospital. I’m not like other moms. I didn’t have hours of pushing and pain to bring you here but rather I sat in a bed weak from an operation. Sometimes I think that makes me less of a mom but you didn’t care. You loved me from that moment on.

You are more beautiful and precious than words can describe. Never question your worth, you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever held & you bring so much good to my life. I need you Chloe & love you dearly.

Love your momma, Kristyn 💕

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